“I would just like to clarify that I am a full-grown, adult, working woman.”
I am not in between. I just am.
I was sorely disappointed at someone’s recent reaction to my sharing a dream with them, someone I hold in high regard. I think I was hoping for more encouragement, more brainstorming, more of a positive response. Instead I was put in a “college kid” category and told I was a sort of nomad who didn’t belong one place or another.
Absolutely infuriating.
But this person does not know me, does not know my story, does not know how finding this community provided a family I needed and that I have poured into it with all my heart for the past three years. Part of me realized, too, that as soon as I started talking I should have stopped – he was exhausted, his eye did not register emotion. He was on autopilot and his filter may have been down. I wish I had just asked how he was and perhaps approached my topic another day, if at all.
What PISSED me off was the assertion that I am somehow in between life stages. Somewhere between adolescence (which now extends through college due to our societal norms and conditional training) and marriage. Basically, I don’t belong anywhere and I had a good idea but everyone has good ideas and hardly anyone carries them out.
I am single, I am not sick. I love my life and am content with where I am while seeking out the next adventure. I absolutely belong – I belong to such a diverse group of individuals, some of which are single, some of which are not. So what to that? Some of them have black skin and some don’t. Some of them are tall and some are short. Why is it that singles are somehow lumped into a category of “haven’t quite arrived yet”? Aah! I am frustrated again just thinking about it. A single guy friend of mine the other day kept making these comments about changing or not changing things about himself in order to get a girl. Finally I was fed up and yelled, “[Name of friend]! You are not living to find a girl! You are living to be the best YOU you can be!”
Normally my rants on singleness would be directed towards other singles who need empowering or encouragement or a kick in the butt to just LIVE and live well. This time I’d like to rant at the marrieds and say: it’s difficult enough finding contentment in this life without you acting as though we are running out of time, missing out, in between, don’t belong, or matter less. You were blessed to have found a person to go to sleep with every night, have babies with, take care of and be taken care of by, etc. I am blessed to sleep in my ENTIRE full-size bed and go to sleep whenever I want, work on random fulfilling projects, and rely on my family and friends for things I can’t do for myself. Honestly, I don’t plan on any of those things changing upon marriage in my life (not even the first point – California King-sized bed, please and thank you), I will just have a consistent person to do all those things with.
Anyways, at this point I’m just tired. Tired of getting to a point of liking who I am and how I live to have that degraded again. Would I love to have a healthy, flourishing relationship? Sure. But I don’t, with no current prospects thereof, so I’m not focused on it. So don’t make that your focus on me. View humans as humans, not as something special because they have another human attached to them or have accomplished the greatest thing. Categories suck.
andaubreywashername 
I wish that I could go back to my seventeen year old self and tell her that marriage and kids was not THE goal. I wish I had taken more time to get to know who I was before I married and had kids. I would have been a better person for it and would have been a better parent. And truth be told I envy you. You have the freedom, confidence and maturity to make solid well considered decisions. I know I have said it before but it is true so….. I am so very proud of you. You are an amazing young woman who is smarter and wiser than most people twice your age.
Also…..anyone who is breathing will let you down or disappoint you some how someday. Most don’t mean to, it’s just that we are all human and we all say dumb things, do dumb things and are thoughtless at times. I apologise an all our behalf.
Love to you ❤
THANK YOU! I have actually been working up to a very similar “rant” myself, mostly because you hear all the time “oh they’re not ready for marriage..she’s definitely ready to be married” which leaves the unspoken message of “If you’re not married then there are still defects.” It is more than okay to be single, because guess what, this is the life God has called me to right now. It has nothing to do with my age, preparedness, lack of spirituality or inability to “attract a man.” I am single. I am chosen by God, His child, just as much as any married person or mother.
andaubreywashername says: I am blessed to sleep in my ENTIRE full-size bed and go to sleep whenever I want, work on random fulfilling projects, and rely on my family and friends for things I can’t do for myself.
To which I respond: I get to go to sleep in a bed all by myself every night for the rest of my life. I get to get up in the morning and make soup. It’s FANTASTIC!
Seriously, having serious relationships and getting married are usually a part of life, but the when and if are never known in advance. In the meantime you don’t just sit around and pine away, being treated like a 2nd class citizen! That’s just dumb, but I think many people unconsciously think that way.